Josh Kayser

I figured this blog post would be fitting as a new batch of college graduates prepare for their final semester, try to squeeze in a bull shit internship, complain about a bad economy they know nothing about and blame everything but themselves for their failure to secure post graduation employment.

As I write this I am thinking of many of my college buddies I graduated with just 9 short months ago and many of the people I know trying to skate their way through their final semester of college.

If you think I will blame your failed job search on your GPA or your useless psychology major you better look elsewhere. While GPA looks good on a resume, that exact thinking is why you’re living in your parent’s basement gaining rank on Call of Duty.

1.) You think you deserve better.

I cannot count how many times I have heard unemployed college graduates tell me they were either offered a job or neglected to apply because they think they deserve better. Let me break it to you… If you are unemployed it is for a reason. It doesn’t matter who or what you blame your joblessness on if you are still bar tending on the weekends to make ends meer you are not above anything.

If you aren’t employed it is because you haven’t proven yourself and/or have no experience. If you don’t get off your ass and do something you will never develop any marketable skills. If too much time passes between graduation and an interview you might as well put your hat back on and apply at Harpos because no good company is going to take a chance on someone with a 6 month unemployment gap since graduation.

2.) Everyone you know you met at a frat party.

If you haven’t heard “getting a job is all about who you know” then you are in for some real trouble. If you have and you listened to that advice then you probably haven’t even read this far. Your frat brothers, like Mark Dischert, are a great network but they are either competing for the same jobs as you or haven’t been employed long enough to be in an influential enough position to really matter.

Now you could be like most pampered college graduates and call on the network of your parents to get your first job or you could actually put in the work to build your own network in between Homecoming marriage parties and beer pong tournaments.

I’ve told this story before but I am where I am today because I reached out to Brant Bukowsky my junior year sometime after reading an article about the some VA loan company in the Columbia Tribune. I was really impressed with the way he and Brock did business and I just had to meet this self made guy. After meeting him for lunch at Jazz and running a crazy brain idea past him I had added someone to my network and learned quite a few things. After losing out to the formidable Bryan Helmig for a part-time job opportunity with one of Brant’s companies he came back and offered me a job without any real plan for something for me to do. A year or so later I had graduated and started working full time for VAMC.

I still don’t have a real job title or a manual for my job but I love what I do and get to learn from some of the best. Without the gumption to reach out and build my network there’s a chance I would be unemployed today. I still make it a habit to reach out to people I need or want to know and build my network.

3.) You have been brainwashed.

Ever since you can remember you were taught to conform to the masses in the classroom. As long as you conformed and got good grades you were told doors would open up for you. Get A’s and you’ll get into a great college. Get A’s in college and you’ll get a great job.  It was the foundation of the American dream.

Seth Godin describes it best in his new book Linchpin:

Being good at school is a fine skill if you intend to do school forever. For the rest of us, being good at school is a little like being good at Frisbee. It’s nice, but its not relevant unless your career involves homework assignments, looking through textbooks for answers that are already known to your supervisors, complying with instructions and then, in high pressure settings regurgitating those facts with limited processing on your part.

About 2-3 years ago when there was a surplus of college grads and a shortage of new jobs, smart businesses got wise and started looking beyond the GPA to find linchpin applicants. The same GPA you were brainwashed to think would land you a great career in today’s job market matters about as much as you being STUCO president your senior year in high school.

4.) You didn’t do anything different.

What have you done throughout your college career that sets you apart from the other jobless people you graduated college with? Were you in a sorority or fraternity? Cool, you probably make a sweet t-shirt design. Did you have an internship at a Fortune 500 company? That’s great! I bet you stamp mail like a champ.

Odds are your “accomplishments” are full of a bunch of fluff and don’t include anything with real results. You may have done some stuff in college but the odds are it was the same stuff everyone around you was doing.

My favorite was student’s boasting about AKPsi at Mizzou. AKPsi is a business fraternity with hundreds of business school students who have all pledged allegiance in search of resume fluff but never did anything but attend meetings.

If half of the people you have graduated with can add the same accomplishment to their resume it’s useless. If you want to get out of your parents basement do something different no one else can say they have done.  Go beyond the borders of your campus and websites promising you a great internship.

5.) You still wear a baseball cap.

I am not saying throw away the Cardinals hat you wore during every televised game of the 2006 World Series season. I am just saying you need to get out of the baseball cap mentality and prepare for the real world. Wearing a baseball cap is just a metaphor I use to describe those who haven’t quite moved on from their intramural sport glory days.

Your days slamming Natty Light’s, Tonic Thursdays, and frat tees are over. If you want to get a real job hang up the hat and start looking and acting like you are gainfully employed. I may get some slack considering I work at a company where sandals are normal and shorts are acceptable but that’s just the corporate culture I lucked out with. If you want to get a job start acting and dressing for the part.

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